I was taking my 94-year-old Mom out one day and feeling stressed. My job and the caregiving were getting the best of me. When we arrived at our destination, I got out of the car, went around to get her and as always, reached over to unbuckle her seatbelt. In a moment of sheer frustration, I said “Gee Mom, you’d think a college graduate could learn to unbuckle her seatbelt!” We laughed a bit, but she knew my fuse was shortening by the second.

 The next day, I decided to show her a way that I thought would make it easy to accomplish this task. I had to take into consideration the limited ability she had to turn her body enough to even see the buckle. To my amazement she exclaimed, “No one has ever shown me how to do that before!”

I realized two things from this experience.  First, you can’t assume that just because you’re dealing with the person who raised you, it doesn’t mean that they know or remember everything. Physical limitations, dementia and depression can take their toll in mustering up the energy to perform even simple tasks. Second, I realized that if I automatically did everything for my Mom, she’d let me. The problem with that is that she’d never learn anything new and I’d continue to be her frustrated, resentful caregiver, just doing it all because it seems easier than “showing her the ropes!”

 Now, when my Mom manages to unbuckle her seatbelt, I praise her and it makes her feel good. I guess we’re never too old to learn and never too old to get a boost of self esteem that comes with learning something new!

Can you teach an old dog new tricks? Sure you can. Patience and love is the key!